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Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol LV

January 8, 2010

Felix sit annus novus! Yeah, I was a little drunk hungover lazy last week when it was time to write up the New Year's Day Latin Lesson. Apparently, dead languages and holidays don't mix...which is completely counter-intuitive to the Latin way of thinking when it came to taking days off. However, not writing a Latin lesson on a holiday completely jives with the Roman way of life. Double celebration, man.

You'll probably recognize the greeting above as meaning "Happy New Year". Felix, of course, has popped up around here a lot, as it means "happy/merry/gay" (but it also means "lucky" or, sometimes, "fertile"...so, be cautious when getting felix if you're particularly felix). Sit is a form of "to be" (esse) that means "may we be" and then you should recognized annus to be asshole "year" and novus to be "new". So, it's literally "May we be happy (in the) New Year!"

And, of course, this is the time of year when everyone strives to better themselves by resolving to lose weight, quit smoking, stop downloading jellyfish porn, and to not watch any more Michael Bay films. This being the 8th of January, I'm fairly certain that about 65% of resolutions have already been shredded.

Coupled with the resolution to get rid of some unsightly fat, naturally, comes Girl Scout Cookie time. Excellent timing, you little brown-clad she-demons, excellent timing, indeed. I know this, because my daughter joined girl scouts this past Wednesday--just in time for the selling of the cookies! You can feel my glee pulsating through the monitor right now, can't you?

What to do, what to do? Shall I wreck people's resolutions by tempting them with the sweet delicacies of brown-skirted pixies, or should I try to support those who want to better themselves in an attempt to prolong their lives?

It is my belief that a little bit of a treat now and then isn't so bad for you, even when trying to lose weight. It's when you've resisted the shit for a month or two that causes you to go fucking apeshit when your will power finally breaks. Ben and Jerry's pints? Thank you, I'll eat a dozen. Pie? Why, yes, sir, please bring the whole thing to the table and I'll eat my way through it. Cake? Only if it's served with a shovel.

So, take a little bit of the sweets. Reward yourself for your hard work. Enjoy life a little. Exercise and dieting don't have to be miserable. However, if the desire to gobble Oreos is too much, remember this little bit of Latin, and it should hopefully help you rein in your cravings:

Obesimus, biscuitum demitte!

Pronounced: "Oh-bay-see-moose, bees-kwee-toom day-mee-tay!"

Corpulent translation in the hovertext.


Now...how many boxes of Girl Scout Cookies can I put you down for?

EDIT: Again, failure on my part. Today would be Elvis' 75th birthday, had he not, y'know, succumbed to all those peanut butter and 'nana sammiches. Oh, and the percocet. Anyway, Credo Elvem vivere!

11 comments:

Eric said...

They must have known Felix the Cat in Roman times. Look out for Samoan cookies, they have more fat in them than fat does.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Eric: I always assumed felix meant cat, but I couldn't find any declension of "feles" that led to "felix".

As for Samoans...true...but they're so...effing...delicious...

JenJen said...

BOO! The hover text isn't working.

They are my favorite part of your posts....

Ed Adams said...

I might be interested in some Thin Mints and Samoas, if I knew what shipping to Indiana would cost me.

Or could you just drop them off the next time you head up this way?

Gwen said...

And here I thought "esse" was what Mexican gang members called each other.

Just Another Momma said...

The hubs just said that to me last night. Except I got a "Super fatty". LOL

Cora said...

I try to avoid the Girl Scouts. They frighten my pants. Even the stretchy ones. I mean, there's only so far they can stretch before it borders on cruelty.

But then I inevitably mourn when I successfully miss the Scouts and realize I can't get my cookie fix for another 12 months. EGAD!

Stressful time of year for sure.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

One must enable cookies to read this post.

Lindsey Himmler said...

Can we do "Put down the Ducky?" from Sesame Street in Latin now??

snowelf said...

I'll be tiny again by march when the cookies come in, so it's cool. :)

(and seriously, I may need to order some cookies from your daughter as I know no girl scouts here!)

Cookie Monster rocks.

--snow

Nej said...

Mmmmmm......Oreos.......