Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol LV

Felix sit annus novus! Yeah, I was a little drunk hungover lazy last week when it was time to write up the New Year's Day Latin Lesson. Apparently, dead languages and holidays don't mix...which is completely counter-intuitive to the Latin way of thinking when it came to taking days off. However, not writing a Latin lesson on a holiday completely jives with the Roman way of life. Double celebration, man.

You'll probably recognize the greeting above as meaning "Happy New Year". Felix, of course, has popped up around here a lot, as it means "happy/merry/gay" (but it also means "lucky" or, sometimes, "fertile"...so, be cautious when getting felix if you're particularly felix). Sit is a form of "to be" (esse) that means "may we be" and then you should recognized annus to be asshole "year" and novus to be "new". So, it's literally "May we be happy (in the) New Year!"

And, of course, this is the time of year when everyone strives to better themselves by resolving to lose weight, quit smoking, stop downloading jellyfish porn, and to not watch any more Michael Bay films. This being the 8th of January, I'm fairly certain that about 65% of resolutions have already been shredded.

Coupled with the resolution to get rid of some unsightly fat, naturally, comes Girl Scout Cookie time. Excellent timing, you little brown-clad she-demons, excellent timing, indeed. I know this, because my daughter joined girl scouts this past Wednesday--just in time for the selling of the cookies! You can feel my glee pulsating through the monitor right now, can't you?

What to do, what to do? Shall I wreck people's resolutions by tempting them with the sweet delicacies of brown-skirted pixies, or should I try to support those who want to better themselves in an attempt to prolong their lives?

It is my belief that a little bit of a treat now and then isn't so bad for you, even when trying to lose weight. It's when you've resisted the shit for a month or two that causes you to go fucking apeshit when your will power finally breaks. Ben and Jerry's pints? Thank you, I'll eat a dozen. Pie? Why, yes, sir, please bring the whole thing to the table and I'll eat my way through it. Cake? Only if it's served with a shovel.

So, take a little bit of the sweets. Reward yourself for your hard work. Enjoy life a little. Exercise and dieting don't have to be miserable. However, if the desire to gobble Oreos is too much, remember this little bit of Latin, and it should hopefully help you rein in your cravings:

Obesimus, biscuitum demitte!
Pronounced: "Oh-bay-see-moose, bees-kwee-toom day-mee-tay!"

Corpulent translation in the hovertext.

Now...how many boxes of Girl Scout Cookies can I put you down for?

EDIT: Again, failure on my part. Today would be Elvis' 75th birthday, had he not, y'know, succumbed to all those peanut butter and 'nana sammiches. Oh, and the percocet. Anyway, Credo Elvem vivere!