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Inspirational Reads

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

January 6, 2010

My friend's wife--and her sister!--gave me spotted dick in the can!.

I hear, however, that penisillin will clear it right up.


My friend, B, and I have been joking about the spotted dick for about three or four months. I won't really get into the specifics of the joke, but suffice it to say that I still laugh at adolescent jokes--as if that's a revelation to you. So, I apologize to my friends from the UK. But, you have to admit, it's a funny name.

Anyway, B apparently likes to go home and--get this!--converse with his wife about what happened during the day! He's a regular Ward Cleaver, that one. Anyway, when we first started joking about the spotted dick (*chortle*), he went home and told his lovely wife about it. So, when they were at a grocery store over the holidays, she spotted a can of the spotted dick and said, "Don't you need to buy some of that for your friends?"

Because he's a man of action, B grabbed it and said "No, I just need to get one."

He presented it to me on Monday.

So, for those of us who don't know what spotted dick is, let me fill you in. *chortle* It's a dessert made of a dough-like suet mixture and some sort of dried fruit. Apparently, according to this article, the fruit is typically currants, but my spotted dick has syphilis raisins. Typically, it's served with custard--which is, as you know, a thick, whitish cream--and is a favorite of Ron Weasley's. Who knew? Gingers like the spotted dick! Red, I'm looking at you...but this isn't any different than any other day. So, carry on normally!

You know what's even better? My spotted dick was made in England, so it's authentic. Yessir, it was made in Middlesex! *chortle*

The absolute best part of the can, though, is how polite the wording is when it comes to discussing quality control. I quote:

"If you are not delighted with this product, simply contact us quoting the quality code on the can end and we will refund your money in full. Your statutory rights are not affected."

What a wonderfully polite people, the English.

I would be remiss if I didn't add this little bit at the end. The spotted dick is microwaveable, but you can also warm it in the can by setting it in a pan of boiling water for 30-40 minutes.

So,'s best to have hot spotted dick.



JenJen said...


Funny, I thought spotted dicks had gotten too much "attention" from the ladies.
And they put this shit in a can??

EW. Gross...girlie ew yuck noises

June said...

Eating spotted dick just doesn't sound healthy... especially if it contains chunks of stuff in it!

Ed Adams said...

Dude, I never knew what the shit was.

When the Brits would say "Spotted Dick" in the movies, assuming I wasn't watching a porno, I would figure they were talking about some other kind of meat.

You know, like the Bologna they sell over here that's got all those specks of peppers and stuff in it.

It's always an eductaion coming here.

red said...

Of course gingers love spotted dick. Damn freckles are everywhere!

Travis said...

I had a guy from England send me some Jaffa Cakes one time.

They were amazing.

I've never been the recipient of a spotted dick though.

Well, except for that one time, but I really needed the money.

BeckEye said...

I have nothing against spotted dick, but I don't think I'd like it in the can.

Nej said...

Microwavable...but it comes in a can?

A friend of mine spent quite a bit of time in England (military)...and we're always making cracks about spotted dick. Amazing how many times it has come up in our conversations. :-)

JennyMac said...

The last time I heard spotted dick and statutory rights in the same discussion, someone was going to the clink.

snowelf said...

Is it terrible that when I first looked at the words sponge pudding, I read it as sponge plowing? yikes.


carissajaded said...

Hmmm... I usually check for spots and if I see them I use that as my warning to stay away.

What are we talking about here?

Eric said...

'Spotted Dick' is an anagram for 'Pet Odd Stick', so I'll have nothing to do with it, thanks.

B said...

You know who else deserves a can of spotted dick?---Phil Baran for synthesizing palau'amine! Can you guys believe that?

Wynn said...

Hahaha, yeah some things are hysterically funny. Now I can't remember any of the funnt things, but yeah, you know what I mean.

Just Another Momma said...

LOL, The things I learn when I visit your blog. First thing I'm going to do is get the hubs a can of spotted dick for his next birthday.

Scope said...

And an American walks into the the room and introduces himself to the Brits by saying, "Hi! I'm Randy."

Sorry, all the good "dick" jokes were taken. Wait, I'm sure I could work up an "Andy Spotted Dick" joke if I really tried.

Chelle said...

Bangers & Mash followed by spotted dick and clotted cream! Such a delight.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

So, how did the spotted dick in your mouth taste?


Moooooog35 said...

I'm assuming the dick is spotted because it was put in a can in the first place.

Clean first, people! Clean first!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

cheeky Brits...


Spotted Dick, brought to you by the same people who came up with "shagging" and "snogging"

mo.stoneskin said...

Spotted Dick, Toad-in-the-hole, we certainly have created some fantastic dishes...

Pearl said...

What?! It's Ron Weasley's favorite?! :-) You culturally relevant S.O.B., you. You really make me laugh sometimes.

I've never had spotted dick, but I did know a guy with mothballs once.

Ba dum bum.


p.s Your statutory rights will not be affected.

adrienzgirl said...

Yeah, so not putting any dick that is spotted in my mouth. Whether it be hot or not! :D

Jeanne said...

When you put it in the microwave, doesn't the door hinge pinch? (Giggle)

Hey, I've been meaning to come over and let you know that the 2010 Erma Bombeck Writing Competition opened on Monday. I think you should consider entering. You can check out my Monday post, or just Google Erma Bombeck Writing Competition.

Cora said...

Mm-hmm, as a child of two Brits I grew up hearing "spotted dick" frequently. And I prayed often that my mother wouldn't mention the good old spotted dick in front of my friends. "Please, God, pleeeeeeeeease let her offer us friggin' Twinkies instead!! Amen."

Can't say I've ever tried a spotted dick though. I prefer spotless dicks myself. But who doesn't?


On a Harry Potter note, I have a book of HP themed recipes. Yeah, I'm cool like that. One of them is for "spotted DOG."

Mm-hmm. Not dick. Dog.

When I saw that I laughed my ass off! Dog? Sneaky bastards, trying to lure our American children into eating spotted dick by claiming it's a dog, like a creepy man in a car offering a kid a puppy for a "favor." Gah!