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I'm So Cold...I'm Shivering...

October 17, 2009

Every year, I become increasingly aware of how soft I've become.

It used to be that, come fall and winter, I was hearty. It was my time to shine. Cold? Pfah! Not until your eyebrows have frozen! I'm one of those idiots who would be in Green Bay, shirtless, with something painted on my chest rooting on my Packers. Or, at least, I used to be one of those idiots.

Something has happened over the last seven years. I've lost that constant internal fire that kept me warm (trust me, the insulating layer of blubber is still there, probably moreso now than when I was living in the midwest). My Calcifer has gone out. Someone call Sophie!

I took my kids to their fall carnival this morning. It was probably somewhere in the mid-fifties when we arrived. There was a pretty stiff wind coming straight out of the north...but still. It wasn't like I was left upon the wild, windswept plains of Siberia. No, I was still in North By God Carolina, but I felt the cold. I felt every biting, snarling, wind-whipped attack on my body from it. I wasn't even underdressed! I was wearing a long-sleeve t-shirt and a wind-breaker. This would be standard attire well into December for me back when I lived in Indiana. Now? I wanted to curl up and cry like a little girl.

No offense to the little girls out there.

Being the rather parsimonious penny-pincher that I am, I was refusing to turn the heat on until November. Bold, but I do live in the South now, a place where people from the north go to escape the winter chill. However, the other day I came home and my wife was wearing a coat indoors and, I'm not certain, but I think I could see my breath misting out as I exhaled. I dozed off on the couch later and awoke with my elbow--of all things--chilled and numb.

Grumbling curses to anyone who would listen, I got up, turned on the heat, and immediately felt better. Well, maybe not immediately. There was that prolonged stink of dust burning on heating coils that filled the house. After that faded, then I felt warm.

I'm not about to bitch, though. Despite the fact that I've softened up in the face of Old Man Winter's icy breath, I still prefer that to the hot and steamy summers. I can at least dress for winter. I can only take so much off for the summer before they arrest me or try to roll my beached ass back into the ocean.

As for the carnival, it was fun. The kids had a good time, and that's what matters. Although, we waited forever to get onto the bungie run--you know, that thing where you strap yourself into a harness and run as fast as you can down an inflatible aisle with a bungie chord attached to your back? Well, we waited because there was no one to supervise the "ride", and so people were letting their kids take fifteen, twenty minutes a turn. Finally--and predictably--just as Tank was climbing into the thing, someone showed up to supervise. "You get three turns," she trilled.

This lasted about 30 seconds.

The next ride over was an inflatible obstacle course. No one was watching that one. So, we went there. I paid my four tickets and let him run through it five times. It was like vigilante justice. I was kind of like Batman on the playground--except, you know, without the multi-millionaire playboy alter-ego, millions of dollars worth of awesome gadgets, kickass car, cape, cowl, miles of caves beneath my sprawling and stately manner and lantern-like jawline. So, really, I was nothing like Batman.

Because I'm pretty sure Batman never gets cold.

16 comments:

Cora said...

I'm with you. The older I get the more I feel the cold. Hell, back in my 20's I was running around almost to December braless in a thin t-shirt and feeling perfectly warm, thankyouverymuch. But now? Umm.... no.

Just no.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

I'm with you. I just bitchy blogged about loathing the cold this morning. I think maybe we have poor circulation.

Scope said...

Cora, let's discuss this braless in a T-Shirt thing on Thursday.

Mz. Spider said...

I can't say I agree with you...yet. Maybe I'm not old enough. *snicker* Speaking as a fellow North Carolinian, come on man! The temp. has been perfect lately. It's this time of year that makes living in NC so enjoyable. In your defense, I've recently been informed The Farmer's Almanac said this year will have an unusually cold fall & winter. Thought it might help you justify running the heat in only the second week of October.

Chemgeek said...

You warm-weather pussy. We here in God's country had the coldest first half of October EVER. Since data has been kept, the first two weeks of October has NEVER been colder that it was this year. And if there's one thing we Minnesotans love, it's reminding people how cold it is here and how tough we are because of it.

Bev said...

I couldn't agree more. I've lived in New England all my life and I'm pretty much over it. Winter can bite me... and does!

Oddly enough I've been trying to convince my husband that North Carolina looks like a nice compromise - they still have mountains, they still have seasons.... So far he's not budging though, so I guess you & I won't be neighbors anytime soon.

Sassy Britches said...

We are of one mind. I always say that I prefer cold weather because you can always pile on more clothes, but if it's hot you can only take off so much and still be sweating.

And for some reason, I ALWAYS picture Batman being cold. The poor guy is perpetually in a state of unrest and mental anguish, and he can never keep a lady. Brrrr...

Scope said...

In the "Batman & Robin" movie, George Clooney looked cold in the suit with the highbeams on.

JenJen said...

The only thing I took away from this:
"...lantern like jawline"

Excellent description, MJenks!

Cool as Folk said...

Oh, by "posts", I obviously meant comments. It's late.

Cool as Folk said...

I laughed at the fact that the first two posts started with "I'm with you". I'm easily amused.

Someone once told me that white men don't feel the cold. Myth, I guess.

otherworldlyone said...

As soon as I read the title, I thought to myself, "Patrick". And then I hated myself a little.

I'm miserable in the winter. My grandmother keeps threatening me with hell, but truth be told, I'd probably be quite comfortable in that climate.

Elliott said...

Soft? You're not soft. I got off the plane in Vegas last week, and just because there was no humidity, I was shivering in 80 degree weather.

Raine said...

It effing snowed here yesterday. Like sticking on the cars snow. I have zero sympathy for someone several degrees latitude south :D

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

The next thing you know, you'll be teaching your kids that one movie ticket last all day as long as you're sneaky.

Shortly after moving from Minnesota to Missouri, my brother and I got sent home from school for being "under-dressed" because we considered the cold Missouri temps to be "summer temps." Now I live in Florida and need a jacket to open the freezer. My how times have changed!

Nej said...

I have a hard time putting the words "cold" and "North by God Carolina" in the same sentence. Why do I imagine in my head mid 50's being as "cold" as it gets way down there? :-) :-) :-)