Lowes: Still Useless

So, I've been having some issues with the toilet in the kids' bathroom. It's been wanting to run. A lot. Health kick or something.

The other day I went and bought a different kind of chain--one of those chains made out of bb's, as opposed to the links that were in there before--hoping that it wouldn't get tangled and keep the flapper open just enough for a slow leak of water. It seemed to do the trick. The other night, though, it was running, and I wasn't sure what the problem was. I took the back off the tank and looked in to find the water still running. It was filling, but slowly. I pondered calcium build-ups slowing the flow of water or something.

Then I looked at the bulb/float and how it was connected to the water inlet.

Hmmmm... I pondered, looking at the screw-based mechanism of operation that served as on/off switch. How does this work? I lifted up on the arm that connected the spigot with the bulb.

CRACK!

As I stood there with a bulb-and-arm mechanism in my hand, watching the water flow unchecked into the tank now, my eyes grew to the size of saucers as I silently panicked on the inside. However, ever the cool head, I quickly reached down and shut off the water into the tank. Catastrophe averted; face saved (ish).

The next day, after dinner, I loaded the kids up into the car and we headed to Lowes because, I thought, this will be an easy fix. Bulb, bulb arm, snap a few things together, and we back to flushy paradise.

Not so fast, my friend.

Of course Lowes doesn't do the simple and convenient thing, and supply you with a replacement arm and bulb. Of course you need to replace the entire fucking system. Convenience? That's for pussies. Ease? That's also for pussies. Someone manning the plumbing section of the store, ready to answer your questions with anything other than a blank look? As if.

So, I took the cheap replacement kit, guaranteed to fit my toilet. After wrestling the old mechanism off the toilet (not that it was difficult in and of itself; the problem was just getting the right angle and fitting my fat overly large hands into the small space between the wall, toilet bowl, and vanity cabinet) and successfully not blasting myself in the face with the last bits of tank water, I reinstalled the new mechanism. Everything was good, tight, and, seemingly, ready to go.

Time for the bulb installation and we'd be good to go!

Again, not so fast, my friend.

Seems as though the replacement kit, guaranteed to fit my toilet, features a long, brass rod to connect the bulb with the spigot. So long, in fact, that I can either screw the rod into the spigot mechanism or screw the rod into the bulb, but not both. I muttered a few curses under my breath, wished the people at Lowes to be afflicted by the public lice of a thousand camels, and went to bed, reminding the children to just go ahead and use my toilet for any needs.

The next day, back to Lowes, where I figured they'd have a replacement arm that was shorter. I mean, it is a plumbing supply store, right?

Not so fast--oh fuck it, you get the idea.

In fact, they offered a replacement arm that was the exact same size as the one in the replacement kit I bought. Variety is the spice of life, and these motherfuckers are living it to the blandest.

That meant another trip to Home Depot.

Off we went. Once I finally found the toilet supply aisle (one thing Lowes has over Home Depot is better marked aisles), I found a shorter arm for the set up. It was $1.75 or something like that.

But, here's the kicker: I went through the self-checkout (yet another thing that Home Depot does right and Lowes fails epically at). I paid for my merchandise. I gathered the children and prepared to head off to Target for some groceries. The lady manning the self-checkout lines (you know, the Overseer), called out to me to stop me. She asked if my kids could have some candy, and she produced a little cup filled with Jolly Ranchers and Redvines and such. Are you fucking kidding me? Free candy and exactly what I need for my home repair project! Sold.

But, not only that, but my daughter picked out a piece of candy that had one of the ends ripped off, and the lady stopped her! She was like "Oh, I can't let you have that one, sweetie, it's been opened!" And then...she smiled!

Free candy, the right part, and service with a smile? If Jesus were to go looking for supplies to man the old carpentry shoppe, I'm sure he'd go to Home Depot. And if it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.