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Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Vol. IX, in memorium

January 30, 2009

Hey all, it's me, the Wiz. I've got a pretty heavy heart this week. See, I just zipped back from my cousin Bootsie's funeral where I was asked to speak. I always get asked to speak at funerals because I'm the only one in my family who can talk (except for Hank, but that whole fake French accent has pissed off a bunch of the fam and made Hank a bit of a mouton noir, if you catch my drift). Whenever someone else from my family gets up to talk at a funeral, most of the audience loses interest by the third "mew" and they start licking their tales. You know what I'm talking about, with their feet stuck way up in the air and all; that's just not appropriate behavior for a funeral.

Anyway, poor Bootsie. You know that old mantra about curiosity and it's ceaseless murder streak against the general feline population? Yeah, well, cousin Bootsie wasn't so much curious as he was just unlucky and maybe a little stupid. Frankly, Bootsie was a little simple in the head; I think his mom was hitting the catnip while she was pregnant with him. It makes sense; she did eat three of his brothers and sisters--you tell me she didn't have the munchies!!!

Like I was saying, Bootsie wasn't the swiftest of arrows, and, well, his mama didn't take care of him too well. Basically, she just bought him a bunch of those videos of construction equipment and let him watch those all day. Bootsie loved them--absolutely loved them. He was always going on about backhoes and tractors and steam rollers and the like--it was like Rain Man, but with fewer references to Wapner and K-Mart brand underwear. Well, earlier this week a bunch of guys were out fixing potholes in the street in front of his house, and Bootsie sees this and goes tearing out there to help them, convinced he knows how to drive the steam roller. Thing is, Bootsie mistimed the leap as he was trying clear the front end of the steam roller and, well, this is what the construction workers asked his mama after it all went down:

Estne tibi forte magna feles fulva et planissima?

Pronounced: "Aist-nay tee-bee four-tay mahg-nah fay-laise fool-vah et plahn-eess-ee-mah?"

Translation magically linked to Bootsie's picture

11 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

"Flat" and "cat" rhyme!

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Giggle Pixie said...

Poor Bootsie! May he rest in a piece of asphalt.

SouthernBelle said...

Aww, poor Bootsie.

At least he went out doing what he loved.

SouthernBelle said...

Also, I am the world's biggest nerd but... it's in memoriam, with an a not a u.

*hides face in shame*

Chemgeek said...

Wiz cat,

What does "mistimed (pronounced miss-ti-med)" mean?

Susan said...

What kind of name is Bootsie for gods sake??????????

Wizard Cat said...

@ moooooog35: Si metrum non habet, non est poema. See what I did there? Practical application of the Friday Morning Latin Lesson, kids.

@ Giggle Pixie: Like I said at his eulogy, he's gonna make a great fossil some day. *tear*

@ SouthernBelle I: That little stuffed dog that Gramgram bought him for Christmas two years ago?

@ SouthernBelle II: Jesus, woman, I'm a cat, not Webster's New International Dictionary!

@ Chemgeek: That's Latin for "Cousin Bootsie needed to study parabolas a little more".

@ Susan: It was some hippy bullshit. I told you his mama was doing all sorts of stuff. One of his littermates that she ate was named Pancake. That ought to tell you that she was high when she named them.

And, by the way, Ms. Susan...you can scratch me behind the ears anytime you like, if you catch my drift. Rowr.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oooh nooo! Poor Bootsie!

I can't think of a worse way for a little kitty to go, but it sounds quite eloquent in latin.....

Gwen said...

Poor Bootsie. I'm sorry for your loss, Wiz. On a lighter note, I hear that Cat Heaven has a lot of construction going on right now - something about a new mall - so he's in a better place.

Hap said...

One of the many reasons Corrin and Masey don't get to go out. Though it's really unlikely that anyone would actually pave our street anyway.

Sorry for your loss.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Wiz,
Sorry to hear about poor Bootsie. Nothing worse than hitting the pavement, if you know what we mean.
Condolences and Mews
Bud E. Phat & Elsa