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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson, Volume VII

January 15, 2009

Ah, lucky number seven. Lots of things come in sevens: dwarves, sins, isomers of heptane, factors of seven. I'm sure there's other things that are fabulous and heptanoic, but I'm too lazy to either look them up or remember them.

You know what else is fantastic? Massive pork logs, and since everyone loved the Massive Pork Log from earlier in the week, I figured it was a good time to bring this bad mofo back. Think of it this way: the Romans were famous for their overindulgences at feasts. These are the people who invented the vomitoriums, places to go to throw up when you've eaten too much...just so you can eat some more. The Romans also liked to feast on handfuls of peacock tongues and brains, pulped up gills, blood and intestines of mackeral (I assume smeared on crackers), and stuffed doormice. No wonder they were puking all over the place.

Suddenly, bacon wrapped in sausage wrapped in bacon doesn't sound so bad, does it?

With that in mind, the Massive Pork Log/Bacon Explosion is here to teach us yet another useful Latin phrase. Next time the hippies are protesting your carnivorous lifestyle, throw this sucker right in their self-righteous and foul-smelling faces:

Si quidem animalia nobis edenda non sunt, quare constant ex carne?

Pronounced: "See kwee-dame ahn-ee-maul-ee-uh know-bese aid-ain-dah known soont, kwahr-ay cone-staunt aix cahr-nay?"

*Put the cursor over the picture to find out what it means!*

Edit: I almost thought this wasn't going to be here today, since my internet went out last night while I was typing it up. Thank you, auto-save. Go to hell, Time Warner Cable.


Chemgeek said...

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG another shot of bacon log. oooooh ooo ooo oo ooo

Oh, you glorious pork creation.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

This one is without the glaze, so it looks like like turd, hopefully, and more like delicious.

red said...

For the record, I think that thing looks disgusting. Just in case you wanted another POV.

Giggle Pixie said...

I won't be able to use today's Latin phrase, since I'm vegetarian. And now - after seeing that pork log again - I beleive I'll be making a trip to the vomitorium.


Candy's daily Dandy said...

This is a good one to share with the entire family. We take our Friday morning latin lessons very seriously around here.

TishTash said...

How do you say "If I'm gonna go, an artery clogged from bacon grease is as good a way to go as any" in latin?

Is that a weaving technique I see on that log? I stand in awe.

Ashley said...


I don't know where to begin with this...

I'd be afraid to eat that. But I'm sure that it is delicious.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Red: Beauty is in the eye of the meat holder.

@ Giggle Pixie: Can I interest you in some peacock brains or mackerel mash-up, instead?

@ Candy: Ah, no more sweeter words have been uttered here in my comments section, Candy.

@ TishTash: Can I get back to you on that one? And, also, yes, that is a bacon weave on the outside of the Massive Pork Log. It's like Bacon Wicker.

@ Ashley: Might I suggest one of the ends? Or, take an end in each hand and dive teeth first into the middle. Nom nom nom nom nom!

dg said...

Bacon wrapped in sausage wrapped in bacon sounded just fine to me from the start. MMMMMMM. Baaaayy-con.

Frank said...

Mmmmm...delicious f*ck you to hippies...*drools*

Lisa-tastrophies said...

MJenks ~ even in Latin that thing looks wrong!! My stomach is rolling thinking about the inevitable outcome that it would be. Stop, you're killing me... and my love for the porker (other than IHoB's famous Fernando ~ for which my love is only second to Wizard Cat)

Hap said...

"Pork log" sounds like an incipient double entendre.

I think I'll have to pass - the nitrite and salt OD would probably send me into a coma.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ DG: Yeah, it was so great I had to bring it back for Friday's Latin Lesson.

@ Frank: Hell, yeah. Like I've said before, there's no part of the pig that isn't delicious. Especially the bacon part.

@ Lisa: If you fear that thing now, just imagine what it'd be like without a gall bladder (I'm working off the assumption you have one).

@ Hap: Based on the book I'm reading right now, everything can be construed as symbolic or entendre. "Massive Pork Log" itself was coined by WPS4, and I like the ring of that better than "Bacon Explosion" (which could also be an entendre).

And, just wait until I review my current read. Speaking of, I should update that on the side...

Shupe said...

Am I suppose to know what in the hell this stands for?
ya 35 cent was a hootinnanny

and can you tell I'm trying to think of other things besides bacon?
Long story short- it's the one of the few things I despise in life-
NOt pork- just bacon and ham!

Pearl said...

The Latin phrase is SO going to come in handy!

BeckEye said...

I think you should create some sort of "Pork Logs Gone Wild" tape. You'll be rich.

Alex Galvez said...

In college we used to calm the drunken tummy with a burrito as big as your head.....this thing could have allowed me to drink a few more drinks!!! Holy Hog!!