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Inspirational Reads

That Was Just A Dream, Just a Dream...

January 28, 2009

Breaking news: North By God Carolina blogger had a dream last night...and feels the need to share it.

So, I was transported back in time. I was 16, and for some reason, I lived in a house that we shared with another family. The family had three daughters. The oldest daughter had great legs--fantastic legs, long, shapely, tan, smooth, silky, shiny...I know this because this is the only thing I ever saw of her. She stayed in her room all the time and draped them over the arm of her couch while she watched television. The youngest girl was like ten or twelve or something, but the middle girl was my age.
For some reason, I went in their half of the house, I think to ask the middle girl a question. It was an actual serious question, but I ended up forgetting what it was I was going to ask, and then, shrugging, I asked her if she wanted to go to my school dance with me. She agreed readily, and then that's when I threw in the hook: it was a costume party dance. She still agreed, and so I went back to my half of the house to get ready.

I dressed up as Darth Vader. Except, it wasn't really Darth Vader...more like "albino" Darth Vader. Yeah, my costume was all white. Cape. Pants. T-shirt. Helmet. Oh, I was stylin'.

I got in the car and drove to the other side of the house to pick the girl up. I don't remember much about her costume other than she was wearing red flip flops, but I do know that she had beautiful, long, blonde hair and I have no idea what her name was. So, you know, it was like a perfect date. Nothing like sharing a house with someone and not knowing their name, but dating them nonetheless. Awesome.

So, we're driving to the dance, and I'm headed down the street that goes past Notre Dame stadium. At this moment, there's a pep rally going for a football game. Only problem was, there were some fans from other schools. Like, there was a small cadre of Boston College fans there (Candy, I blame you for this unsightly smear on my otherwise unsullied dream) and there were some people from the University of Pittsburgh. It was an older man and woman, and they had one of those huge, fake, plastic bullhorns and they're lobbing insults on the Irish. I know they're from Pittsburgh because they have the blue and yellow outfits on, but the kicker is they have "Pitt" scrawled across their chest. I'm still wearing my white Darth Vader suit. My date is still in the car.
How dare they! I think and I stop the car, get out, rip the bullhorn from the man's grasp and I decide, then and there, that these two need a lesson taught to them. I go into full crowd-incitement mode, using the bullhorn to call attention down on these people and to get the crowd to turn against them. All while wearing my white Darth Vader outfit. With the voice modulator in my mouth so that, when roaring into the bullhorn, my voice is threatening to deafen people for miles around.
It works wonders. I whip the crowd into a frenzy, telling them that our space has been invaded by these plebes and that we should do something about it. Even the football team is fired up and ready to crack some skulls, so everyone starts chasing after these two people. I keep inciting the riot until the crowd has chased the people away, and I open up the door to my car, toss the bullhorn in the back seat, and slide into the drivers seat and get ready to go.

That's when my date turns to me and says, in as flat and cold a tone as possible, "You know that was my mom and dad with the bullhorn, right?"

I actually woke up laughing. I laughed so hard, I had to get up and pee for fear of wetting the bed. It took a while to fall back asleep since I kept giggling.

I had another dream after this one and it was about as exceptional as the first, but I've forgotten most of the details and I don't want to tell only half a story. However, this one goes down in the annals of dreams so fabulous they must be told to others.

14 comments:

Sassy Britches said...

Excuse, me where do the three ladies in cowboy hats fit into the dream? I just didn't want to miss out on any details.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

They don't actually fit into the dream. However, when I google-searched images of "Boston College fans", these three fine specimens showed up as about the sixth entry.

Plus, Chemgeek's feeling under the weather, so I figured they ought to "perk" him up.

TishTash said...

Your Darth Vader costume was like the Travolta Saturday Night Fever version of suits.

Frank said...

Brilliant.

Maybe a little less rum before bed, no?

Giggle Pixie said...

Why can't I ever have dreams as cool as this?

I bet it's because you eat those honkin' logs of meat before bed, isn't it?

LOL

Chemgeek said...

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!

That's what I'm talking about. Consider me perked.

I was hoping the story would end: "When I woke up, in my bed next to me was a girl, whose name I didn't know, and a bullhorn in my hands."

Gwen said...

At least you weren't making fun of a woman with cancer. That would have been awkward!

Jidai said...

... What the hell...

You guys are way too into college sports.

Grant Miller said...

Yeah. Those are BC fans, no doubt.

SouthernBelle said...

That IS awesome.

You've been eating cheese late at night again haven't you? Admit it!

(Actually I'm just relieved to find out I'm not the only one that has bizarro movie-like detailed dreams).

Susan said...

I would like to comment on the three women in cowboy hats. Very nice.

Hap said...

Wow. I think the anchovy-and-blue cheese pizza is a bad idea before bed, but at least when you remember them, they're coherent. When I remember mine, not so much - the last one involved reservations for an Apple stockholders' meeting (I think) somewhere in SW Idaho (it was hilly and looked yellow and dry) depicting the wonderful hotel accommodations and the local McD's.

You win.

Apparently I don't care about OSU enough - I don't remember any dreams involving their sports. 2002 doesn't count.

BeckEye said...

Is this another one of those Zibbsian entries I keep seeing all over the Internetz?

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