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Inspirational Reads

My New Fantasy

January 12, 2009

To hell with Scarlett Johansson, some jello and a goat, I've got The Bacon Explosion to fantasize about from now on.

Holy Heart-Stopping Rolls of Pork, Batman, even the pictures make my left arm a little tingly! The only thing they've left out of this tasty little dish is the squeal made by the pigs when they offered up their juicy, delicious selves for the various parts of this culinary masterpiece. I think the only appropriate side dish to serve with this would be Scotch Eggs.

Despite the fact that I'm missing a gall bladder, I'd still dive into this delicacy head first. I might eat the thing while sitting on the toilet, but I'd savor every last little drop. Just be sure that they include the words "pork poisoning" in my obit, okay?

26 comments:

Chemgeek said...

Sweet merciful Jeebus!!!!!! I... I... That... I mean, What the... Oh my...

yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

red said...

I once had an awesome evening with an adorable fella all thanks in part to Scotch Eggs. God bless those terrible things.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Chemgeek: My thoughts, exactly.

@ Red: And by "terrible" you mean "delicious", right?

Gwen said...

I bow to you for bringing this meaty nirvana to my attention. Fan-fucking-tastic!

Dr Zibbs said...

I just gave you a shout out bacon boy.

TishTash said...

Bet it looks the same coming out.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Tish tash- thats exactly what I was thinking..

Scope said...

Can I get one of those, and a diet Coke to go?

Do you have any neighbors who are vegetarians? Smoke that bad boy up when the wind is blowing their way. I bet the porky goodness wafting through the air would make them rue that tofu-dog they are grilling up and choking down.

Frank said...

There's no indication of size in that picture...so I kind of hope this thing is the size of a baseball bat.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Gwen: Well, thank you, but the true hero here is my friend and former room mate Pat, aka Dr. Assy. I'll forward your fawning and adulation on to him (after taking a healthy cut for myself).

@ Zibbs: Thanks, Doctor. I'm honored to have my own category on That Blue Yak. And I'm totally getting a Bacon vs. Tofu when I save up some sheckels.

@TishTash & Candy: Apparently, you don't know what meat wrapped in meat with a wrapping of meat and barbecue sauce does to a GI tract that is lacking a gall bladder. I can guarantee it won't look the same way coming out. I can also guarantee that it won't smell nearly as delicious the second time around.

@Scope: Sure thing, one I'm Lying to Myself Special to go. Also, I don't think any of my neighbors are veggies, and if they are, they know me well enough to know I don't share well with others.

@ Frank: I'm guessing either that or a pony keg. Either way, you and I are in hog heaven, literally and figuratively.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. And I LOVE the pork. All things Bacon, Ham, SPAM, you name it. But I don't know what was worse the HUGE thing that looked like something my cats produce after eight cans of fancy feast or the Scotched Eggs.
Thank you for renewing my resolution to lose some weight.

~E said...

Im not gonna mention here what I think that log looks like.

But if you know me as well as I think you do, you know what I think it looks like.

Tony Spunk said...

Sir, you've made my tinglies a-tingle with all that bacon talk. A dude's not a dude if he rejects bacon, in fact, I'd recommend the FBI take a good look at anyone who doesn't enjoy some pig, because that person is obviously a misinformed miscreant and should be on their most wanted list someplace.

I dig Scotch Eggs too. Little balls of porky ecstasy with the bonus of an eggy center.

Next to the ladies, I think I like bacon the best. Yep, the ladies then bacon.

Will Shannon said...

That picture is the most goddamned arousing thing I've seen in some time.

The Bacon Explosion is my new god.

KNEEL BEFORE THE MASSIVE PORK LOG!

Susan said...

Yeah, what the fuck is up with bacon everywhere on the web??? And I'm just sayin' what the hell causes one to google or search for big ass pork pictures in their own spare time?

Moooooog35 said...

So THAT'S what happened to John Holmes' wiggly.

BeckEye said...

That's not John Holmes. Clearly, it's Long Dong Silver.

LYDIA said...

I don't know what to say other than I saw the huge pork, then my throat closed, and then I thought of that smelly butt with the flies on it....

Ms. Florida Transplant said...

I'm with TishTash on this one. That looks disgusting!

Giggle Pixie said...

Great Christ on a bike! That's a heart attack waiting to happen!

Charm City Barfly said...

Help me, Jebus, I want to make that tomorrow night and devour it! There is a strong possibility I would have a heart attack three bites in, but it would be oh so worth it.

Mel O said...

HOLY BACON!!!

Am I the only one is strangely aroused by this? (lol)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Lisa: Bite thy tongue, woman. People, people, people...it's only brown because it's been cooked in a smoker and the sugars in the barbecue glaze have undergone the Maillard reaction. Sheesh. There's no corn wedged in it, so it's clearly not a big turdlog.

@ ~E: I don't know you that well, but I'm guessing you think it looks like a turdlog. Or a dick. Or a deliciously tasty treat.

@ Tony Spunk: Amen, brother. The Ladies and bacon are two signs that God is real and that He loves us. Or something like that.

@ Will: Kinda makes that Spam we grilled outside Gallagher seem...paltry...huh?

@ Susan: I google pork all the time, it's just that when I'm at work, it's the meat. When I'm at home, I look up the verb form.

@ Moooooog: Sorry, man, but I think Beckeye is right.

@ Beckeye: I think we should hereby refer to the Massive Pork Log as the "Anita Hill" henceforth.

@ Lydia: I can guarantee that this is more tasty than the fly-encrusted ass of that woman. Also, this one doesn't marinade in its own juices.

@ Ms. Florida Transplant: I'm telling you, it's the Maillard reaction! There's no corn, or nuts!!! It's not poo, I swear.

@ Giggle Pixie: God bless America, eh? If you guys read the story that goes with it, you'll see that the author/chef purposely set out to make something absolutely ridiculous. And he succeeded. In spades.

@ Charm City Barfly: Like I said, you guys need to make sure the words "pork poisoning" appear somewhere in my obit.

@ MelO: No, you're not the only one. That's why I posted it. I think everyone here is, secretly, a little bit turned on by it. I know I am. I know you are. I know Will is. And let's just say I could change her name to "The Comely and Buxom and Easily Terrified Boudicca who is Aroused by Phallic Meat Logs".

dg said...

Mmmmmmmmmmmm. BACON! Nothing like a lil' dead pig.

Kellie said...

OMG, it looks like a giant turd. A giant bacon filled turd.

So is it gross then when I say I'd eat it?

Chemgeek said...

I was going to post a comment on the cool nerd thing, but I can't stop looking and drooling at the bacon log.

My GAWD IT IS AWESOME!!!!!!