Follow by Email

Inspirational Reads

Be Careful What You Wish For

February 22, 2009

Okay, let's just say that you're writing a book that's in the realm of historical fantasy. Stay with me here. And let's just say that you're kind of bored with the writing/editing/rewriting schtick, and you decide that what you really want to do is play around with heraldry and make some shields for some of your characters, because you have a bit of an artistic flair. However, you need an outline of a shield for that, right?

What's the thing to do if you need an image of a shield? You search "shield" in google images, right?

Now, let's just say--hypothetically, of course--that you do this. You may want to remember that certain feminine products are known as "panty shields".

With me still? Good.

Now, let's just say that you have your safe search turned off. Again, speaking in hypotheticals. You would do well to remember that there are some sick motherfuckers out there who would take and post pictures of, let's say, panty shields that were not in their pristine, straight-from-the-wrapper condition. And while this is a perfectly natural biological function, sometimes the viewer might need a bit of preparation before finding that upon his--or her--screen.

All hypothetically of course.

Now, while you all make sure your safe search is switched on, I'm going to be pouring bleach into my eyeballs.


Sassy Britches said...

Bleach with some steel wool scrubbing, I'd think.

Chemgeek said...

I feel the same way after watching the Academy Awards.

Scope said...

You can turn safe search ON?

What fun is that? How do you play, "Find the boobs"? You know, in Google images, how many screens you have to scroll through before see someone's fun bags.

Moooooog35 said...

I ran into this very same thing researching 'skid marks.'

Pictures of tire tracks on asphalt?!?

Who wants to see that shit?!?

coolred38 said...


SouthernBelle said...


BeckEye said...


Pearl said...

Oh, my. My heart goes out to you.

Gwen said...

Grody to the max.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Heee heee! Welcome to OUR world!

Frank said...

I think a little piece of me just died inside.

Giggle Pixie said...

Oh, that is some seriously warped shit!!

Susan said...

Thats fucking sick. And the new look. And the line about less beastiality.

Sass said...

I love google.

And I,like Scope, am anti the safe search.

Safe search is for pussies.

And just think...all you'd get searching for that would be pictures of cats.

I'm just sayin'.

And once again, I ain't sayin' much.

LYDIA said...

Who takes pictures of that crap? Sick!

And hello again.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Sassy Britches: I'm thinking of throwing some ammonia in there, too. Maybe I'll poison it out.

@ Chemgeek: I hear Kate Winslet didn't even shed clothing in order to celebrate her award. What a farce!

@ Scope: Since I sometimes post over my lunch hour, I waver back and forth between having it on, having it sort of on, and having it off. Thankfully, I decided to go looking for shields while I was at home...

@ moooooog35: Why didn't you just look up "Red Highway"? I'm sure there's skid marks in there among the carnage.

@ Coolred38: You said it.

@ SouthernBelle: You said it.

@ Beckeye: You said it.

@ Pearl: You are so kind. Maybe I'll stop digging up your flowerbeds now.

@ Gwen: Thank you ver--is that a monkey? Oh, fuck yeah, that's a monkey!

@ Candy: Seriously, don't you Boston people have something better to do that doesn't involve taking pictures of soiled feminine products? Like, hating New York or something. Wait...I'm seeing the allegory suddenly...

@ Frank: You'll thank me for it, someday.

@ Giggle Pixie: There might have been some shit on there. I didn't inspect too closely.

@ Susan: True dat. Also, thanks. And you can thank SouthernBelle for that dandy little header.

@ Sass: I just looked up "pussies". This was all I got. Oh, and some fat guy from the New Jersey. Like that narrowed it down...

@ Lydia: It was way worse than a butt covered with flies. And, hey! I haven't seen you in a while. Thought I'd have to move you to the emeritus column!

Fancy Schmancy said...

That's one nasty little fetish someone has, huh?