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Inspirational Reads

There's Something About Boudicca

February 3, 2009

So, my mother-in-law was here last weekend for a quick visit. She came in because it was grandparents' day at Tank's school last Thursday. She stuck around until Monday morning and then headed back down to Atlanta. My wife's brother and his wife had their first baby about a week and a half ago, and my mother-in-law is headed down to help out.

Anyway, my daughter had a birthday party on Saturday afternoon that I took her to, and my wife and my mother-in-law and I (along with the kids) decided to meet for dinner Saturday night. Due to the party running a little late and the fact that I don't own a cell phone (a fact of which I'm proud, truth be told), we coasted in late to dinner, my daughter and I, and I slipped into my seat next to my wife.

After chatting for a little bit, explaining why I was late and talking about how we got lost on the way to the party and how I ran over a bum begging for handouts at the exit off I-40 blah blah blah...my wife was sitting there adjusting her hair, running her fingers through her shiny, sleek, and gorgeous red tresses, when she makes the comment that her hair smells like the aftermath of our sexual adventures. This causes me to chuckle aloud.

As you might imagine, when one's mother-in-law is about, the sexual misadventures grind to a halt. There's something about a wife not wanting her mother to hear "harder, harder, harder, oh, God, yes, harder, oh, God, yes, Mike Rowe, you're such a dirty, dirty man!" and "alright, fine, but just keep it out of my eyes" and "seriously, do I have to be Little Bo Peep again???" Oh, sure, we could close the door, but even then, my mother-in-law would suspect something was up when she heard the braying of a zebra.

Have any of you thrown up in your mouth yet?

During the week last week, we were busy cleaning and working and preparing for my mother-in-law's visit, so there was still no time for sexual congress to take place, so by the time Friday night rolled around, I needed an outlet. So, I did the laundry by hand, if you get what I'm saying. And if you don't, you're really stupid and probably should cull yourself from the gene pool right now. Go on. We'll wait. Better? Thanks.

After rubbing one out, things were...messy, to say the least. I went to the bathroom and grabbed a towel to clean up and thought, "Hmmm, I'll just toss this on the floor near these dirty clothes." A logical place, right? The dirtiest of towels on the floor with the dirty clothes? No one picks a towel up off the floor to dry themselves off with, right? I thought so, too.

Apparently, when my wife went to dry herself off Saturday morning after her shower, instead of grabbing the towel tossed over the towel bar above the tub or the two hanging over the towel rack on the wall, she went right for the dirty of dirties on the floor, dried herself off, and then wrapped her hair in preparation for drying it.

This, of course, just caused me to laugh and ask why she went for the towel on the floor. She asked why I didn't just wake her up, and I played the loving husband card and said that I thought I'd just let her sleep, since she was so tired and had to get up in the morning and go to work. I'm just that caring.

So, we sat there at our table, whispering and giggling over the scenario and how she smelled my musk throughout the day. I'm sure my mother-in-law could overhear us, or could logic out what we were saying from the giggling and such, but if she did, she was kind enough not to say anything. We continued on, making plans for after my mother-in-law left and me making hair countless hair gel jokes until our food finally showed up.

And then Brett Favre walked into the restaurant.

20 comments:

Holly said...

Ahhh. And it ends with Brett Favre. I can't think of a better ending! LOL

TishTash said...

Your wife is a lovely woman.

And I call you out on the detail pertaining to your wife's shiny, sleek tresses. No way she could have run her fingers through them with that goop.

Chemgeek said...

Holy cow!!!! This is unbelievable. I don't have a cell phone either. And I'm also proud of it.


Oh, and the rest of the story was great, but ending with Brett Farve really sucked. (sorry Holly).

Scope said...

Swing by tomorrow, I mention the you and Boudicca in my 100 random things. I'd post a link, but that would require time travel and shite.

And awesome that she didn't just punch you in the throat.

LYDIA said...

That was a good story, though I am sad about the towel...

btw, fix this spelling mishap:

"when she makes the commennt"

~E said...

Your wife screams out Mike Rowe during sex too?!? And here all this time I thought it was just me.

Noel said...

Your wife is a saint.

Scope said...

Good morning! I was a name dropping fool in my 100-4-100 post, and I mentioned you & Boudicca. (Yes, it's a clever little way to pimp my blog today!) Come on over.

James Salvatore said...

Hello! I don't know how I found Rider's Block and then got here (I don't even know why I'm awake at 3am). I'm still in Joliet, but if she did see Downmind, she didn't stop by to tell me you said hello. Thankfully by the wonders of modern technology I got the message. Oh and I did get a second taste of my dinner and no it wasn't from the Joliet Chicken Shack, thanks!

Moooooog35 said...

Facial by proxy.

I heard that was only a myth.

SouthernBelle said...

Dude. I can't believe your wife lets you tell us these things. Does she even know you have a blog?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Holly: Well, maybe if Brett Favre was shirtless. Or still with the Packers.

@ TishTash: She does have a pearlescent glow about her, doesn't she? As for the detail...remember, this was 12 hours after she had sullied herself with the Shroud of Semen and she had dried her hair with a hairdryer. So, yeah, it was baked on.

@ Chemgeek: There are some times when I can see the utility of having a cell phone, but I do like being able to stay hidden from Batman and all.

@ Scope: Swung by. We'll talk later when my summer plans are more set in stone. And I've lost twenty pounds.

@ Lydia: Thanks for playing copy editor. And, it was a white towel, so it can be bleached. Also, my daughter plunked herself down on the couch next to my last night while I was typing, so a few mistakes might have slipped by before I sent her away.

@ ~E: I reassured her the other night that, during sex, sometimes I close my eyes and pretend that I'm Mike Rowe, too.

@ Noel: If I were to tell you the Pearl Story, you'd think differently.

@ Scope: Everyone should read it. Several times. It's awesome.

@ Salvatore: Holy sweet effing mother of fuck, it's Sally Ballz! Shee-it, I thought I'd never see you again after you shook my hand at Little 5 and said you were heading off to the Upper Peninsula for med school.

Oh, and don't hit "publish" so many times.

@ moooooog35: She keeps talking about going to the spa in order to get a facial. I offer to do it for her for free at home. She just rolls her eyes.

@ SouthernBelle: The other night, during some extracurricular activities, I said, "I am so blogging about this" jokingly. She rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, okay. You can." I didn't. I figured I still had a free pass, and so you get this story, which is really more insulting to me than her.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ SouthernBelle (again): Oh, and, yes, she knows about this. And, yes, she reads it. Faithfully. And I'd like Steak-ums for dinner.

Giggle Pixie said...

Priceless!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Hee hee...I love that story. Of course I was thinking about the hair gel the whole time only I thought you might end it with how you were served, "franks and beans."

mike said...

Funny stuff. I can understand, I hardly have a clean towel in my whole house.

~E said...

I awarded you an award. Because it shows I care! Go pick it up and congratulations for being awesome!

Moooooog35 said...

Dude - you forgot to pimp your letter on my site from yesterday.

Or did you?!?

(queue porn music)

woops..wrong music...

(queue mystery music heavy on bass)

Lisa-tastrophies said...

You had me at "Oh, God, yes, Mike Rowe, you're such a dirty, dirty man!"
Sorry, I couldn't really focus on much after that.

dg said...

There's Something About Mary alright. Any time Brett Fahhhhhhhhhhhvre shows up, count me in!

This story had me giggling so hard that I had to run to the bathroom.

You literally tickled the shit out of me, MJenks.