Did you know America has only one rodentocentric holiday on the calendar, and it's happening today? Shouldn't there be a Flying Squirrel Day or a Vole Day or something? Seriously, why do the groundhogs get all the glory? Today is also the day you should ask yourself, "Would Chuck chuck wood because we don't call them woodchucks?" God, I'm clever.
See, this is what not watching football does for a person. They get up and make puns about rodents and guys named Charles. Life doesn't get much better than this.
Not only that, but it's Betsy Hagar's 33rd birthday! That's right, all six foot one of the blonde goddess is preparing herself for cake, ice cream, and maybe a luxurious soak in a hot tub. Okay, maybe not in her mind, but in mind, she sure as hell is. Strangely enough, there's also a lot of whipped cream involved in my version. Wonder where that came from...
No, I don't really wonder. I'm a freaking perv.
I digress, but with the bloodflow diverted, these things happen. I mean, it's Betsy Effing Hagar! Funny I should mention her--aside from the fact that it's her birthday and I spent the time between August 1990 and June 1994 locked in a perpetual fantasy about her and her long, smooth brown legs. Crap, am I digressing again? I'd say I'm sorry, but you and I both know that I'm not. Unless "you" happen to be married to me, and then I'm sorry. Very very sorry. Ignore the blonde wig and requests to stand on your tiptoes.
Anyway, since I posted about Betsy's 31st birthday two years ago, Betsy Hagar has been my number one search item as to how people stumbled upon this little corner o'the internet. Awesome, right?
Not so fast, my friend. Turns out, Sammy Hagar--the Red Rocker--is married to a woman named Betsy. So, people mostly come here looking for pictures of that Betsy Hagar. Who am I to slow them down?
Oh, yeah, and today is also St. Cornelius' day. He was converted to Christianity by Simon Peter himself and later went on to become the bishop of Caesarea or Scepsis...no one's certain. He's also the patron saint of corned beef and bad puns.
Anyway, someone go shine a light on Punxitawny Phil's hole, would you? I want another French Toast holiday. And let's go back to thinking about Betsy and crafting clever word games using homonyms of "wood" and the nickname for guys named Charles, shall we?
12 hours ago
14 comments:
You know, I enjoy your pigeonholing topics almost as much as the posts themselves. "Sleeping on the couch tonight" and "Weak excuses to post pictures of nearly nekkid chicks." Lovely.
Why'd you have to go an ruin a perfectly good post by mentioning "Sammy Hagar"
@ Sassy Britches: I decided that cleverness and wit shouldn't be wholly owned and operated subsidiaries of the post itself. Thank you for noticing!
@ Chemgeek: To separate the real Van Halen fans from the posers, so that the latter may be culled from the herd.
FYI,
Thought I'd let you know that the picture on your blog of Betsy Hagar is covered in sperm.
Wait..wait..
...nevermind.
It's just my screen.
@ moooooog35: Strangely enough, all of the pictures of Betsy in my yearbook are also covered in sperm. What a coincidence.
I hate everything about Groundhog's Day including the movie which was a big borefest.
@ Zibbs: I was thinking about it this morning as people were talking about the movie "Groundhog Day" on the radio, and I suddenly realized that I have never seen the movie. And, actually, I'm kind of proud of that fact. Honestly, after Ghostbusters, everything else Bill Murray did was an afterthought.
We TOTALLY need another French Toast holiday.
Word.
I hear that he saw his shadow. That makes for 97 shadows and 15 times where he didn't see it, proving the old theory that things outside usually cast a shadow.
Groundhog day reminds me of Bill Murray, whom I love :)
I had to google Betsy, I had NO IDEA who that chick was!
I find it interesting that a simple topic like Groundhog day turned into soft porn for Van Halen fans.
Nice work.
@ Giggle Pixie: Amen to that. Or whatever the French version would be. L'amen a ca?
@ Frank: Who says science never proves anything useful?
@ Ashley: That chick in the picture isn't actually Betsy--either of them. That girl is actually Sophia Myles. I found her by searching "attractive blond", which could have been deadly, I'll freely admit.
@ Candy: I'm awesome like that.
I know this won't be popular, but I feel like I need to justify Bill Murray and his entire career after reading the comments. Did No One see Lost in Translation?
Who is Betsy Hagar? I went googling to see if I can find out for myself but alas, Sammy's wife kept popping up. I thought that was her for a second till I read ahead and you mentioned that she was not.
So...uhm...who is Betsy Hagar?
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