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I Wonder if the Mirror Says It, Too

February 2, 2009

You guys know about my on-going quest to belittle and insult the people of my home state of Indiana, right? Well, maybe it's not exactly quest material--I'm not chucking anything into a volcano or anything--but it sure as hell does amuse me.

First we had that dumb bitch from Carmel who complained that the models at the local mall's Victoria's Secret were forcing children to have sex. Next were the dumb bitches from Indianapolis who thought that a picture of a young bride and her husband was trashy because...well...I never exactly figured out why.

Anyway, now comes the dumb bitch who heard her daughter's doll say "Islam is the light." Apparently, now the daughter's Nintendo DS is also saying it. I think we're seeing a pattern here. Before long, the cat, the sofa and her coochie will also be saying "Islam is the light." At some point, two and two are going to add up to four and this broad will finally figure out that it's her own batshit craziness shining through, and not the followers of Islam trying desperately to subvert her children. At least, probably.

And, seriously...Islam has how many followers? 1.8 billion? I'm pretty sure they don't need to take out advertising space in talking dolls and shitty Nintendo DS games. They might be able to afford a billboard or something like that. Seriously, someone needs to smack this bitch upside the head--perhaps with a Massive Pork Log--and tell her to stop seeing things where there isn't any.

She should get some EVP work done at her house. I'll guarantee right here that she'll find a ghost there saying that "Islam is the light."


Sassy Britches said...

"I'm pretty sure they don't need to take out advertising space in talking dolls and shitty Nintendo DS games." I mean really, what more is there to say on this topic?

red said...

Wow. Some people really are idots, but what? There are no dumb men you can hurl insults at in Indiana?

Chemgeek said...

"Seriously, someone needs to smack this bitch upside the head--perhaps with a Massive Pork Log"

That, my friend, would be a terrible waste of a perfectly good pork log. I can only support you in spirit with this one. I would, however, support the use of a Massive Tofu Log or a Passive Pork Hog or a Missive Porn Blog. Even though that last one doesn't even make sense.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Sassy Britches: The only thing left to say is "Islam is the Light."

@ red: No, they all moved out of Indiana in November 2002.

@ Chemgeek: Missive Porn Blog? I see you've been reading my other sites.

Jidai said...

Wait... My DS ISN'T supposed to say that?

Scope said...

You can belittle the folks down around Evansville for their brain sandwich obsession, but if you got after French Lick, Ball State, or Boswell (the hub of the Universe) that is where you cross the line.

SouthernBelle said...

That girl in the picture looks like she wants to see your Massive Pork Log.

Giggle Pixie said...

Uh yeah, there ARE some men you could sling your arrows at here in Indiana (even though he's not currently living here). Has everyone forgotten that crazy man Michael Jackson himself is from Gary, Indiana?

Oy vey...

Scope said...

GP - It's a well known fact that, being in "the Region", Gary does not count as Indiana. Do not try to confuse the outsiders.

Hap said...

Why waste the pork log? Tofu might even be a waste. Spam, maybe, or potted meat product?

I think she needs to shift her tinfoil or have adjusted the dosages or choices of whatever medications she receives.

Why does she get the missives from Islam anyway? "Why would Erik Estrada be coming out of your belly button? - I don't know. Why don't you ask him?"

Also, "I think I'll go hide [Mama] Bear's guns."

Susan said...

OHHH, it's "Islam is the Light"???I thought my daughters DS was chanting "A MOM IS ALWAYS RIGHT!"... I kept making her play that game over and over since she threw out the "F" bomb last week. Shit.

Sass said...

Throw things at me, if you must...but right before Christmas I took my 5 year old to Toys R Us, and we saw the dolls that apparently say this.

I walked past them (they're motion activated), and I swear to you they do say, "Islam is the Light."

If I hadn't already had that in my head, though, I'd never have known it. I'd have thought it was "This Bong on the Right."

I'm just sayin'.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Jidai: I'd say that we need to investigate, but I wonder why you're playing a game where you tickle babies. Ashley trying to get you prepared?

@ Scope: Oh, come on, the brain sammich has such a nice, creamy texture. My dad went to Ball State for a while, so I'll refrain from knocking on Testicle Tech.

@ SouthernBelle: Oh, do go on.

@ Giggle Pixie: Him, Greg Kinnear, David Letterman, and Charles Manson: all Hoosiers.

@ Scope: You're right, that's not a part of Indiana. That's not even a part of America.

@ Hap: Well done, well done. Also, you're right. Let's not waste perfectly good meat or tofu. I'm thinking a baseball bat would do nicely.

@ Susan: Apparently, you need to work on that whole paranoia thing, if you're not getting the right messages.

@ Sass: So, it's a Michael Phelps doll?

~E said...

Hey! So what's up with the blondes? What happened to the redheads?

I'm making a request: more redheads please!

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Oh dear GAWD! well, if she is so sure that it is saying "Islam is the light" why doesn't she do us all a favor just commit to a jihad and go towards the light. Then she can leave the other Isalm followers alone in her psychopathic need to make everyone Islam out to be a terrorist. Dumbass