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Inspirational Reads

Friday Morning Latin Lesson: Volume XI

February 13, 2009

Good morning, all. Since today is the eve of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd call in a special guest to help with the Latin Lesson. Yes, it's Cupido, the God of erotic love and beauty.

Yes, that's true, everyone's favorite diapered dandy has taken a moment out of his busy schedule of smiting others with amorous affection for one another--and trying out to be Timmy Turner's new fairy godparent--just to join in on the Latin fun. You may remember Cupid as being the daughter of Venus, she of the long, flowing red locks standing naked in a scallop shell. Venus got a little frisky with Mars, the god of war, and thus we have Cupid, who wields a bow and arrow to do all his smiting. Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

Venus, however, had a fiery temper (all those hot redheads do...trust me), and didn't like it much when everyone else in the land popped a stiffie paid more attention to the fair maiden Psyche than they did to worshipping Venus' alabaster skin and firm, supple breasts. Venus sent Cupid to kill Psyche, however the lustful youth was so taken with Psyche's beauty that he dropped an arrow, hitting himself in the foot and causing him to fall madly in love with the lass. Robin Hood, he wasn't (you know, since he was about six hundred years before England's most famous outlaw).

Anyway, Cupid turned himself invisible (like the Clay Aiken song?) and snuck into Psyche's bedchambers nightly (ah, yes, just like the Clay Aiken song). Apparently, if you're a god, you've got some serious stamina. Apparently, wee Cupid was also well hung because Psyche's sisters got jealous and started spreading nefarious rumors that Cupid was really a monster (C is for Cookie), so Psyche tried to see Cupid by pouring hot wax on him (ah, kinky!), which peeved the little pecker off, so he took his ball(s) and went home. Psyche scoured the world for him, and Jupiter felt sorry enough for her to grant her immortality so as she could be with Cupes forever. She then became the goddess of the soul.

Anyway, today's Latin phrase is short and sweet, but terribly appropriate given this weekend's activities:

"Carpe fascium!"

Pronounced: "Kar-pay foss-key-oom!

And here's Cupid with the translation in the hovertext:


Ugh, no wonder he kept showing up at Psyche's while invisible. *shudder*

16 comments:

Scope said...

I need to pour a little Liquid Plumber in my eyes after that.

I was just recovering from Zibb's POST on Richard Simmons!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Don't be hating on Richard Simmons joining the Whose Line Boys. Much like Colin Mochrie, I've never had a jet-skiing lesson, but I think I'm getting the hang of it.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh, and I'm sorry, everyone. I wrote this last night when I was dead dog tired and set it up to auto post. I've done some revisions this morning (reworded things, put in the "rest of the story"--for which you can thank the Buxom and Comely and Easily Terrified and Knows All About Roman Mythology Boudicca...Jesus, that's a mouthful (that's what she said!)).

I love parentheticals within parentheticals.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I wonder if I'll go blind from spamming myself.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh, and Scope, it's "from Zibbs' POST". -1 for apostrophe error.

Some Guy said...

First things first, that Cupid needs to seize some pants.

Sassy Britches said...

Loving this (s)troll down memory lane from college mythology and high school Latin classes. But NOT loving the troll that is Cupid in the pic!

Chemgeek said...

Did that stuff really happen?

Dr Zibbs said...

Look at the expression on Cupid's face.

SouthernBelle said...

Hahahahaha! I was entertained, educated, and then disgusted.

; )

Susan said...

That was down right horrid. I'm going to have a hard time recovering from this by tomorrow.

TishTash said...

How do you say, "Seize the penis, but seize the balls gently" Professor Jenks?

Will Shannon said...

Great.

I never knew what to say to all of those monolingual Latin-speaking hookers I keep ending up with. Now I do.

Thanks.

words...words...words... said...

So, just to be clear, does this mean Venus is still single? Cause I love me some buxom redheads, especially if they have someone to get back at.

Shupe said...

You slay me!
maybe I should be a redhead this week eh?

~E said...

AHHHHHHH!!! My Eyes! MY EYES!!!!!