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Let He Who Is Without Geekiness...

February 7, 2009

I've admitted it before, but I'll go ahead and say it again: I enjoy playing video games. And not the socially-acceptable games like Guitar Hero and Halo; no, I play things like Civilization and Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest VIII and such.

Also, I don't cry tears of gold, so I tend to buy my games used. As such, I saw the benefit of getting a membership to the used video game store, which gives me 10% off purchases and I get coupons through the email and all sorts of good stuff like that. Along with these perks, I get a "free" subscription to a gaming magazine; I say "free" because the subscription price is built into the membership costs. The biggest advantage of this is that it provides me something, once a month, to flip through and read whilst firing off shit missiles in the privvy.

Anyway, this mag has a calendar section in which they highlight all the best stuff coming out in the coming month: new games, movies, DVDs, comic books and such. You know, typical "nerd" fare.

Now, Coraline was released in theatres last night. It's a stop-motion animation adaptation of a children's story by Neil Gaiman. If you're not familiar with Gaiman's material, well, you should be. Not only is he an incredibly gifted writer, but he's also a pretty decent human being. If you saw the movie Stardust, that was an adaptation of one of Gaiman's works. He's also the guy referred to in the lyric "If you need me/ me and Neil'll be/ hanging out with the dream king/ Neil says 'hi' by the way" in Tori Amos' song Tear in Your Hand.

Now, I don't know how highly anticipated the release of Coraline was; I doubt I'll take my kids because the story is probably a little too dark for them. My daughter might be able to handle it, but probably not the little boy. I'll just get a copy later when they're old enough to watch it.

However, check out what the morons in my gaming mag had to say about the release of Coraline for this month:

"Coraline might look like a children's movie, but you can be sure that it will be packed with the worst kind of nerds: comic fans who revere Neil Gaiman as a god, think stop-motion animation is better than CG, and can recite the lyrics to every They Might be Giants song. You'll also see a few people in the crowd who are there just to listen to Dakota 'Too Old to be a Child Actor' Fanning. We'll be there to mock all these people."

Really now.

Perhaps, before setting out to the theatre to point fingers and make jest, you guys should pause between smearing Proactiv on your faces and take a good, long look in the mirror. You write for a magazine that focuses on video gaming. You're not exactly gods among men yourselves. Maybe you should save your taunts and jests for the anonymity of your XBOX Live accounts rather than dealing with other people face-to-face.

Actually, you know what, no, go out to the theatre and start some trouble with the "worst kind of nerds". Just call me ahead of time, because I'd really like to see what kind of slap-and-tickle nerd brawl shapes up when the "nerds" recognize your wan complexions and complete lack of social skills means that you're just as low on the feeding chain as they are.


SouthernBelle said...


As a massive nerd myself I had to laugh at this one, very much a pot/kettle/black situation.

PS - I'm with you on the no-tears-of-gold situation. Have you ever tried Gamefly? It's sort of like Netflix for video games. Mr Belle has it; it's not as cheap as Netflix but it's much cheaper than buying every game you want to play. And you can often buy the games if you decide you like them enough to kepp.

SouthernBelle said...

Also, Neil Gaiman is great, and I liked Stardust.

Giggle Pixie said...

I'm looking forward to seeing Coraline! Nerd nay-sayers be damned!

Will Shannon said...

I just hate when people judge one's resource allocation decisions and then go on to conflate these with assumptions about one's character.

Oh, and as a member of the nerd aristocracy (a graduate student), I would like to point out that nerds, well, sort of run everything.

It sounds like a smashing movie, by the way.

~E said...

"I'd really like to see what kind of slap-and-tickle nerd brawl shapes up when the "nerds" recognize your wan complexions and complete lack of social skills means that you're just as low on the feeding chain as they are"

...and can I get an AMEN up in here???!!!

Ashley said...

When I went to go see He's Just Not That Into You today, I saw that Coraline was sold otu. It must have fans in San Diego!

I love thrift stores of any kind. LOVE.

Hap said...

Maybe it's just me, but I am sort of hoping that Stardust signals a change in Claire Danes's role choices. I keep hoping she'll choose movies that are OK, but even the ones that look like they might be OK (T3) suck. I think Little Women and MSCL were her last good role choices.

I think someone needs to shut off the "gangsta rap" tap to some of the gaming people. ESPN2 had some sort of Madden tournament, and the finalists seemed to be enacting their own preamble to a shooting while they played. Why the hell do you think that just because you play a video game well and have a reversed baseball hat on implies that you might be competent enough at violence for implied threats to have any weight at all? Just because your opponent is the size of a small billboard doesn't mean you could actually find him with a pistol. And wearing the hat and shooting people on a Xbox doesn't mean that you will last more than five seconds when the glamour boys down the street decide to compare penis lengths and gun skills. Just saying.

mike said...

I always thought that the nerdiest thing I did was fantasy baseball. Then I realized that is the nerdiest thing ANYONE can do. I agree with Hap about the Madden Challenge.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ SouthernBelle: I've thought about Gamefly, but games I play tend to be long, drawn out RPGs which take me a month or two to complete...or more if I get tired of grinding levels. It's actually cheaper to buy them used, but I do like the idea of Gamefly. If I spent more time playing platformers or something like that, I'd definitely get a subscription.

@ SouthernBelle II: I really like Stardust, too. I think I might watch it again tonight.

@ Giggle Pixie: I'd like to see it, too. I'm just not sure how well it would be received by the children. Plus, they're really looking forward to Monsters vs. Aliens. For some reason.

@ Will: Yeah, I can't stand that, either. Like when people assume that history majors are stuffy, dry, boring and wear glasses. Oh...

@ ~E: AMEN

@ Ashley: Any sign of geek brawls breaking out?

@ Hap: For the first, I dunno, 45 minutes of Stardust, I didn't recognize Clare Danes. I mean, I recognized her, but I couldn't put her face to a name for whatever reason. Perhaps it's like you suggest, and her craptacular roles had diminished her memory in my mind. That, and she no longer had the red hair, which we all know is something that causes me to sit up and take notice.

@ Mike: Yeah, but fantasy baseball has been going on for a long time with the rotisserie leagues and such. I don't equate that with, say, well, most of the things I do.

@ Hap & Mike: Christ, I remember seeing that shit and thinking "what the fuck?" I actually caught the very end of the tournament because I had lost my remote and the tele was stuck on ESPN2. One of the douchebags had Tennessee and, on 4th and four, decided to roll Vince Young out on a bootleg and throw the ball into the endzone rather than run to get the first down, and then he slammed the controller on the ground and cursed. Dude, no need to be a douchebag just because you mismanaged your team.

Now, I've thrown controllers before, but, seriously, Dark Link in Zelda II was a bitch to kill.

BeckEye said...

Coraline kind of scares me. She reminds me of Baby Button Eyes...that evil stuffed doll from The Simpsons.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Niiiiiice rant...

red said...

I know way too much about what all you people read on the can.

red said...

I know way too much about what all you people read on the can.

TishTash said...

I never make fun of nerds. Someone who needs to be told periodically that Dune is not real and a crush on Paul Atreides will always be unrequited is in clearly no position to do so.

Pfangirl said...

You know, with the exception of the ability to remember every single They Might be Giants lyric, those gaming morons described me exactly:)

But as I get older, I have less and less patience for big-mouthed boys and boy-men who define success according to their Xbox Achievement score, and consider the PC vs. PS3 vs. Xbox debate to be as important (apparently) as penis size comparisons.

Thank goodness I now know how to effectively choke these pricks out in real life should the situation ever arise.