Let He Who Is Without Geekiness...

I've admitted it before, but I'll go ahead and say it again: I enjoy playing video games. And not the socially-acceptable games like Guitar Hero and Halo; no, I play things like Civilization and Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest VIII and such.

Also, I don't cry tears of gold, so I tend to buy my games used. As such, I saw the benefit of getting a membership to the used video game store, which gives me 10% off purchases and I get coupons through the email and all sorts of good stuff like that. Along with these perks, I get a "free" subscription to a gaming magazine; I say "free" because the subscription price is built into the membership costs. The biggest advantage of this is that it provides me something, once a month, to flip through and read whilst firing off shit missiles in the privvy.

Anyway, this mag has a calendar section in which they highlight all the best stuff coming out in the coming month: new games, movies, DVDs, comic books and such. You know, typical "nerd" fare.

Now, Coraline was released in theatres last night. It's a stop-motion animation adaptation of a children's story by Neil Gaiman. If you're not familiar with Gaiman's material, well, you should be. Not only is he an incredibly gifted writer, but he's also a pretty decent human being. If you saw the movie Stardust, that was an adaptation of one of Gaiman's works. He's also the guy referred to in the lyric "If you need me/ me and Neil'll be/ hanging out with the dream king/ Neil says 'hi' by the way" in Tori Amos' song Tear in Your Hand.

Now, I don't know how highly anticipated the release of Coraline was; I doubt I'll take my kids because the story is probably a little too dark for them. My daughter might be able to handle it, but probably not the little boy. I'll just get a copy later when they're old enough to watch it.

However, check out what the morons in my gaming mag had to say about the release of Coraline for this month:

"Coraline might look like a children's movie, but you can be sure that it will be packed with the worst kind of nerds: comic fans who revere Neil Gaiman as a god, think stop-motion animation is better than CG, and can recite the lyrics to every They Might be Giants song. You'll also see a few people in the crowd who are there just to listen to Dakota 'Too Old to be a Child Actor' Fanning. We'll be there to mock all these people."

Really now.

Perhaps, before setting out to the theatre to point fingers and make jest, you guys should pause between smearing Proactiv on your faces and take a good, long look in the mirror. You write for a magazine that focuses on video gaming. You're not exactly gods among men yourselves. Maybe you should save your taunts and jests for the anonymity of your XBOX Live accounts rather than dealing with other people face-to-face.

Actually, you know what, no, go out to the theatre and start some trouble with the "worst kind of nerds". Just call me ahead of time, because I'd really like to see what kind of slap-and-tickle nerd brawl shapes up when the "nerds" recognize your wan complexions and complete lack of social skills means that you're just as low on the feeding chain as they are.