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My Interview with Dr. Zibbs

February 26, 2009

You've probably seen some other people pretending to have interviewed Internet Sensation Dr. Zibbs. Well, I'm here to tell you that they're false. I know, can you believe it? Something you read on the internet not true? The horror! Remember my interview with Notre Dame head football coach Charlie Weis? Remember how I told you I used to be a real, live member of the press? That's right! Well, I used those sweet credentials to score an inside look at the Zibbsatorium, the palatial estate that houses both Dr. Zibbs and serves as the world wide headquarters of That Blue Yak Enterprises, LLC. I was lucky enough to do this interview after an extensive tour of the grounds and the compound itself.

Me: Dr. Zibbs, thank you for letting me into your home for an interview. I am greatly honored by your hospitality, sir.
Zibbs: Perhaps this pamphlet will prove useful.

MJ: Oh, thank you. I'll scan over it later, if that's alright. First, let me ask you a few questions about your blog. Why is it that you started blogging in the first place?
DZ: The generator on the hospital is about to give out. Lives will be lost.

MJ: So, this was a purely altruistic undertaking?
DZ: Well, there's a surgical option, but it's not cheap.

MJ: And the name, That Blue Yak, where did you come up with that?
DZ: Gentlemen, this canary died of natural causes.

MJ: Interesting.
DZ: Well, I don't want to pry into your personal life...

MJ: I thank you for that. Can we switch to a more personal set of questions? I know you're a fan of grilling based on the set-up we've seen of your back deck and the sprawling yard it looks out upon. Is there a delicacy that you are proud of? A certain Zibbs-ian culinary masterpiece?
DZ: You seem to have swallowed a number of shark's eggs.

MJ: Have there ever been any incidents when you were grilling? Trouble of some kind?
DZ: This man's died of beef poisoning! Probably at a different restaurant.

MJ: Oh really? How did you handle that?
DZ: If you want him to live through the night, I suggest you roll him onto his stomach. Remember, I said 'if'.

MJ: I know there's a Mrs. Zibbs. Can you tell us a little about the love you two share for each other?
DZ: Is that the love between a man and a woman? Or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar?

MJ: Oh, that's sweet and sincere. How did you meet her? What was your pick-up line? Help the single guys out!
DZ: I'm afraid that leg's going to have to come off. *laughs* Did I say leg? I meant that wet bathing suit.

MJ: Wow, that's quite exciting. I need to cool off for a moment.
DZ: Young man, you've had what we call a 'cardiac episode'.

MJ: I don't know if it was that intense or not, but it sure was thrilling. Well done, sir. I knew you were quite the lady's man. What is your secret?
DZ: The only cure is bed rest. Anything I give you would only be a placebo.

MJ: I also know you work in advertising. What are some of the things that you've designed that you're most proud of?
DZ: A Ford urinating on a Chevrolet.

MJ: That is something. Onto something political, what do you make of this whole case of the woman in California giving birth to octuplets? Can you believe it? Do you think she tampered with the order of nature?
DZ: [Using a calculator] Mmm-hmm. Well that would only account for quintuplets. Did anyone *else* slip this woman fertility drugs?

MJ: And do you think there's any longterm health issues that she'll suffer?
DZ: Well, your cholesterol level is lethally high, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level.

MJ: Finally, Dr. Zibbs--and I want to thank you again for having me into your lovely home and headquarters--is there any last nuggets of wisdom that you'd like to share with us?
DZ: You're wasting thousands of dollars worth of interferon!

24 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

Wait. Was I high for this interview?

Gwen said...

He makes even less sense in person!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Zibbs: Well, you did keep laughing a lot. Like, with every answer. Except for the Ford urinating on a Chevrolet, which was odd, because you laugh at everything. (Yes. Yes, you do.)

@ Gwen: I think he was just in his comfort zone, locked deep within the Blue Yak Studios, which is what made him so lucid.

Cowguy said...

This by far is the most interesting interview so far. (sorry Sass)

Okay... back to my hookah

Sass said...

I, personally, find this interview odd and off-putting.

And you had to go drag up the poor Octo-Pussy.

I demand my name be removed from all association with this blog.

Unless it somehow benefits me. Or unless it's too much trouble. Or unless you email me and compliment me about my beauty. (Real, or imagined). Then, and only then, will I remain connected with this blog.

Wait, this isn't about me, is it.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Cowguy: I once suggested that, for mental health, we get a hookah at work. Someone in the room didn't know what a hookah was, and instead thought that I said "hooker". Comedy, she ensued.

@ Sass: You know, I don't see your name on this anywhere. *scans again* Yeah, there's a link to your blog, which might cause you to get an uptick in blog traffic. So there, there's your benefit. Happy now? No? Take a hit off Cowguy's hookah.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

yeah Zibbs...I want some of what you were smokin' here...

pistols at dawn said...

I can say what I've always said about the good Doctor: I just don't get it. We were talking about Dr. Feelgood, right?

Chemgeek said...

That's weird, because I've had conversations like that. Very unsettling.

Nikki said...

I feel absolutely out of place commenting... BUT I'm going to anyways. Luv the pick-up line. Does it work it a woman uses it?

Mel O said...

uhhh.... was *I* high for this interview??!!

coolred38 said...

Ok...Im sort of new to these interviews etc so clue me in...are drugs and or alcohol intake a pre requisite to making sense of all that?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Candy: Clearly, he was smoking a fine Cuban cigar. He admits it in the interview.

@ Pistols: Yes, well, sort of. Dr. Zibbs is a less narcotic allegory to Dr. Feelgood.

@ Chemgeek: Apparently, you may want to look into changing your health care provider.

@ Nikki: Hopefully you don't feel out of place for long. Thanks for commenting, and I'm going to guess that it probably works on guys better.

@ MelO: Could be. We haven't seen you for a long time. Who knows what you've been sullying your body with in the interim.

@ CoolRed38: Nah, I just take some quotations from tv/pop culture people and sort of fit them into an interview for somewhat comedic effect. Apparently, people aren't quite hip on Dr. Zibbsbert.

Giggle Pixie said...

Wow, Dr. Zibbs was going a little heavy on that prescription pad...for himself...wasn't he?

Geesh, the least he could do is SHARE the good drugs.

words...words...words... said...

Well, at least we know that Mrs. Zibbs' name is Bernice now. Why did he have to cut the interview short, was he late for Judo?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Giggle Pixie: That's what happens when you're an internet sensation like Dr. Zibbs. The power causes a run-away slippery slope effect and the next thing you know, it's booze, women, and everything in the medicine cabinet!

@ Words^3: And he has a daughter that thinks it smells like tinkle in here. I'm not sure where he had to jet off to, but he was holding a button applicator. I figured it better not to ask, in sharp contrast to my inquisitive journalistic mind.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

So is the good Dr. Zibbs a REAL doctor??? Or did he just spend a few nights at a Holiday Inn Express?
I'm beginning to wonder...hummmmm.... and if he is a real doctor maybe he is taking the "Physician heal thyself" part a little too liberally with the Rx... not saying anything sold here, but just thinking......

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Oh yeah, I have return to blogging again. Your whit has inspired me to return to my snarky ways once more.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Lisa: Too bad medical marijuana isn't available in his part of the woods. It's just the government interferon with his fun. Get it?

Also, sorry, I inadvertently left you off the Inspirational Reads list. I knew there might have been some casualties of the layout change. Fortunately, I've rectified the situation.

Susan said...

Holy shit, my interview questions would have been so lame - what's up with the blue dude in your profile pic?; What level of education do you have in that I sometimes have to read you several times to understand what's being said??

Lisa-tastrophies said...

Thank you for rectifying my situation. Gawd, that sounds vaguely pornographic. I think I'll go have a cigarette now.

And oooohhhhh bbbbbaaaaadddddd pun :-)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

@ Susan: Don't forget, I've got journalistic cred. And integrity. It says so right there, in the subject line.

@ Lisa: That's what I do, my dear. I make bad puns. BAD bad puns (kind of like Leroy Brown, but with more groaning and less messing with other men's wives. And I still don't go tugging on Superman's cape).

Fancy Schmancy said...

Funny, that's exactly how I would imagine he acts IRL, except he didn't pimp his blog enough...

Ms. Florida Transplant said...

I think you should post this pamphlet Zibbs distributes. That's the best interview I've read in a long time! :)