My Interview with Dr. Zibbs

You've probably seen some other people pretending to have interviewed Internet Sensation Dr. Zibbs. Well, I'm here to tell you that they're false. I know, can you believe it? Something you read on the internet not true? The horror! Remember my interview with Notre Dame head football coach Charlie Weis? Remember how I told you I used to be a real, live member of the press? That's right! Well, I used those sweet credentials to score an inside look at the Zibbsatorium, the palatial estate that houses both Dr. Zibbs and serves as the world wide headquarters of That Blue Yak Enterprises, LLC. I was lucky enough to do this interview after an extensive tour of the grounds and the compound itself.

Me: Dr. Zibbs, thank you for letting me into your home for an interview. I am greatly honored by your hospitality, sir.
Zibbs: Perhaps this pamphlet will prove useful.

MJ: Oh, thank you. I'll scan over it later, if that's alright. First, let me ask you a few questions about your blog. Why is it that you started blogging in the first place?
DZ: The generator on the hospital is about to give out. Lives will be lost.

MJ: So, this was a purely altruistic undertaking?
DZ: Well, there's a surgical option, but it's not cheap.

MJ: And the name, That Blue Yak, where did you come up with that?
DZ: Gentlemen, this canary died of natural causes.

MJ: Interesting.
DZ: Well, I don't want to pry into your personal life...

MJ: I thank you for that. Can we switch to a more personal set of questions? I know you're a fan of grilling based on the set-up we've seen of your back deck and the sprawling yard it looks out upon. Is there a delicacy that you are proud of? A certain Zibbs-ian culinary masterpiece?
DZ: You seem to have swallowed a number of shark's eggs.

MJ: Have there ever been any incidents when you were grilling? Trouble of some kind?
DZ: This man's died of beef poisoning! Probably at a different restaurant.

MJ: Oh really? How did you handle that?
DZ: If you want him to live through the night, I suggest you roll him onto his stomach. Remember, I said 'if'.

MJ: I know there's a Mrs. Zibbs. Can you tell us a little about the love you two share for each other?
DZ: Is that the love between a man and a woman? Or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar?

MJ: Oh, that's sweet and sincere. How did you meet her? What was your pick-up line? Help the single guys out!
DZ: I'm afraid that leg's going to have to come off. *laughs* Did I say leg? I meant that wet bathing suit.

MJ: Wow, that's quite exciting. I need to cool off for a moment.
DZ: Young man, you've had what we call a 'cardiac episode'.

MJ: I don't know if it was that intense or not, but it sure was thrilling. Well done, sir. I knew you were quite the lady's man. What is your secret?
DZ: The only cure is bed rest. Anything I give you would only be a placebo.

MJ: I also know you work in advertising. What are some of the things that you've designed that you're most proud of?
DZ: A Ford urinating on a Chevrolet.

MJ: That is something. Onto something political, what do you make of this whole case of the woman in California giving birth to octuplets? Can you believe it? Do you think she tampered with the order of nature?
DZ: [Using a calculator] Mmm-hmm. Well that would only account for quintuplets. Did anyone *else* slip this woman fertility drugs?

MJ: And do you think there's any longterm health issues that she'll suffer?
DZ: Well, your cholesterol level is lethally high, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level.

MJ: Finally, Dr. Zibbs--and I want to thank you again for having me into your lovely home and headquarters--is there any last nuggets of wisdom that you'd like to share with us?
DZ: You're wasting thousands of dollars worth of interferon!